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September 25, 2015



I don't have much time, but Chris Pardo was telling me........

/door opens

Nooooooooooooooooo! It can't be!



She walked through my door with that Anne Hathaway raccoon look that could only come from hours of sobbing. I had my work cut out for me, but I had a soft spot for enlightening blogs and tough cases. After surveying the park, Susan's office, the ramp, the conference room and the breakroom, I was still out of ideas. Minneapolis was the kind of town where anything could happen, and usually did. I tracked down the coworker and put the screws to him, but he had no reason to take down the big cheese. I had a hunch the competitor had something to do with it, but I didn’t have any proof, and there was one other character I wasn’t sure had a clean slate. I tailed the blog editor home, and after checking her basement for the blog, I knew it couldn’t be her. I was impressed; if I had to put up with waiting for the blog every week, I would have done it in months ago.

That’s why I became a detective. You don’t have to wait for the truth; you go find it like a dog tracking down a scent. My last stop was the competitor. When he got back to his office, I was there waiting like a cougar ambushing its prey. Things got heated, and after a scuffle a picture frame fell off of his desk and out rolled a USB drive. I reached for it but before I could grab it the competitor had grabbed my gun. I called truce, and handed him the drive. He told me to beat it, and I got out of there as fast as I could. A brief scan of the drive confirmed it: the competitor did it with the USB drive in Susan’s office.

The Blog (aka Megan Tye)

After a bitter disagreement with Susan over the direction the blog was taking after a discussion over contents of a USB drive a competitor gave the blog, the blog angrily stormed out of the office, throwing the USB away, as seen by the coworker and Susan's former cellmate. Distraught, Susan picked up the sledgehammer she had kept as a memento from her years breaking rocks in the slammer.

After venting her frustration to her friend, Susan returned home to recollect her thoughts, unknowingly having provoked her friend to action! Her friend cornered the blog as it left work and threatened that if it leaked the information from the USB drive, her friend would make sure it and the blog never survived as the friend melted the USB drive the friend had retrieved from the trash with a blow torch to a scorch mark left on the parking ramp asphalt.

Evidence destroyed and frightened, the blog went into hiding. The blog staged its kidnapping with spare computer parts found around the office and left them strewn about the park. Once finally assured of its safety, it began typing this confession.

There was no computer virus, as the blog editor had suggested. The competitor had simply uncovered a dastardly conspiracy through being accidentally CC'ed on an email between Susan and the coworker, to devise an elaborate hoax to give him $500 so he could purchase a killer birthday gift for the blog editor. The announcement had already been written and leaked by the editor to the competitor. Guilt-stricken over the potential wrong-doing, the blog wrote this very confession.


The case is closed and the suspect caught. The blog editor, with her fingerprints all over the USB packaging, has been named as the blog kidnapper and all other suspects have been cleared. The weeks leading up to the Dreamforce conference, Susan's focus on the blog had drifted. Which was not left unnoticed by the blog editor. Her expectations for the blog have always been high, even with the frustration of receiving it later and later each week. The last straw for the editor came while sneaking a peek at the most recent blog titled "Of Mice and Mouse Pads".  
"I wanted to give Susan a long, needed break so she could refocus after the conference" confessed the blog editor "I didn't know how to tell her. I don't like confrontation and the coworker was not the only one who knew about that sledgehammer! I didn't want Susan taking it out on me when I told her that her blog was not up to par." 
She then told of how she took the bus to the competitors town with the virus loaded USB and dropped it in the outgoing mail and went back to work. The USB arrived and sat unopened for two days. Unable to wait any longer, she slipped in while Susan was at dinner, opened the package and loaded the virus, rendering the blog helpless and easily taking it from the office. After hours of interrogation the editor finally broke and gave the location of the blog: unharmed, yet sadly unplugged in her basement.
The blog is doing well and gave the following statement, “I’m glad the situation has been resolved. After a few days of recuperation for myself and Susan, I believe I’ll be able to return to my rightful place on Wednesday morning.”


Hi Susan,
I know I left without saying goodbye but I wanted to let you know that I am safe. I realize I made my departure seem more dramatic than it actually was. Honestly I just wanted some attention. I don’t really know what to say. We had some good times and for many years I felt you and I really had something and I was special, but lately it seems to be all about ELO. ELO ELO ELO, that’s all anyone talks about. How can I compete? Sure it sounds like a relocation game changer, but did I mean nothing to you? Don't people still need to be inspired by the wisdom I gave?

I’m not sure what the future holds. I hear there are plenty of blog openings in Hollywood. For now, I’m happy just hanging out on the beach with TEDD. I hear My Smoothconnection and Informagility might be joining us soon. Who knows, the old Plus tech team could be back together again soon. Maybe we can start our own relocation company....?

Thanks for nothing,
The Blog


In a stunning turn of events, local police authorities have announced the arrest of Son of TEDD, in the case of the missing blog. Police observed Son of TEDD regularly visiting the building's gym, carrying take out food with him. Police became suspicious, because they know Plusites rarely visit the gym. Police have determined this was a revenge crime, for the termination of Son of TEDD's father, TEDD. After his arrest, Son of TEDD was heard screaming, "My father was a genius! They just couldn't see it!" Later, the blog was found handcuffed to a treadmill in the gym, slightly bruised, but otherwise unharmed (except for the affect of all the fast food).


Right before Susan left the office; she was so frustrated with the direction of the Blog that she mindlessly reached for the sledge hammer and hit the key board. She luckily only broke a few keys and realized it was time for a break. The Blog was safe. The Coworker did try to slap some sense into the Blog but it was left bruised and went for a walk. The Blog Editor saw the Blog leaving the building and followed it to the garage. Meanwhile back at the office, the Competitor realized that the USB was not used and attempted to upload the virus but little did he know that the Blog had already left. In the Garage, it got heated. The friend was arguing on whom was closer to Susan and the friend pulled out the blowtorch. She started it but only fringed the edges of the Blog as it was on the run. The Blog Editor yelled from her car to get in. The Blog assuming it would be safe jumped in the car and the sped off. The Blog Editor threw the mouse out of the car and it had landed in the park. She thought to herself, “Smart thinking to throw off the trail leading to her.” They arrived at the Blog Editor’s home, only for her to turn on the Blog. She dragged the Blog down the stairs and handcuffed it to the pipes. The Blog Editor quietly returned to the office, made some coffee humming away. The Blog may or may not still be on the pipe but it was the Blog Editor who did it.


The "competitor" (Caleb the Camel) had been carrying a grudge against the "Wednesdays with Susan" blog for some time...tired of sharing the Wednesday spotlight that had previously been only his. Lacking opposable thumbs he utilized his LinkedIn mutual "friend". The friend had saved 15% on insurance and felt indebted to Caleb. The "friend" first tried confronting The Blog on the parking ramp with a blowtorch to suggest changing to "Saturdays with Susan". The Blog had no interest in working weekends. Undaunted, they tried a less confrontational approach - by sending a USB drive with a virus. The Blog was suspicious of the Geico labeled USB after the parking ramp encounter and immediately threw it away. Not to be defeated, they decided to see if they could lure The Blog into a trap. Breaking into Susan's office the "friend" destroyed the keyboard with a sledgehammer, purposefully leaving it under the desk to be found. The "friend" grabbed the mouse and some keys in his mouth. Hearing The Blog coming, they ran out the back door..leaving it open and ran into the park leaving a trail of melted keys (using the blowtorch again) and finally the mouse. The Blog fell for their trap and is currently being brainwashed to believe that Wednesday is a national "blog free day". You can take the Camel out of the desert - but don't mess with his spotlight.


The blog editor needed a break and decided to head to their car in the parking ramp to watch classic episodes of Friends that were loaded to the USB drive in question. Instead of being greeted with the witty comedic banter of Ross and Chandler they were rudely greeted with a computer virus as the downloaded files were corrupted, which crashed the blog. The blog editor had one job, move it to the new website. Instead, their passion for 90's nostalgia proved too strong to overcome. This is clearly what happened.


The coworker thought the blog was a terrible idea and that there was no way to get the idea out of its CPU. The coworker claims he was at the office late Tuesday night to drop something off in the break room. It appears to me that the coworker attempted to take the USB drive from Susan’s office and upload it into the blog in the break room hoping to pin it on the competitor. The coworker was very quick to immediately shift blame onto the competitor. I believe the competitor did send the USB drive, but everyone already knew better than to plug it in due to the competitor’s previous threats. While in the break room, the coworker must have accidentally spilled very hot coffee onto the keyboard which melted some of the keys. The editor also claims to have seen the blog arguing with the coworker with coffee cups. So we know the coworker drank coffee as did the blog. At this point, the blog was no longer functional enough to be able to upload the v irus, and the coworker’s plan to frame the competitor had been spoiled. Susan claims the coworker knew about the sludge hammer, the coworker in an effort to conceal the spilled coffee attacked the blog with the sludge hammer and threw the melted evidence into the park. The coworker was quick to point out that the editor had complained about staying late. The coworkers confidence that the competitor had done it appeared to be wavering by the third round of interviews, which I believe means he was trying to frame a more plausible story as the USB evidence was coming up short, and no one could prove it had been uploaded. Obviously a case of going to the extreme to stop a bad idea.

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