Are you Asking or Telling?

It’s taken me years to learn that if I need someone to do something, I have to come right out and tell them what I need rather than beating around the bush. Simple example: If I ask my kids if they want to clean their rooms, do I really care what their answer is? Their answer should be yes, and if it isn’t, then I just tell them to do it anyway. In this scenario, not only did I set the expectation that they actually had a choice in the matter, but then for some odd reason, I am surprised when their answer is "No" (I said I was still learning).

While the example about my kids is pretty simple, this dynamic can have a significant impact in other areas of our life and our relationships. You don’t have to spend much time in a workplace before you stumble upon multiple examples of the “asking versus telling” scenario. The truth is, most of us would rather get other’s buy-in rather than telling them what to do. We want to be viewed as caring and flexible by others, and in many cases, we can. However, there are certain times when our requests are non-negotiable. This is where lack of clarity in our communication not only wastes time, but can create disappointment for both parties.

Maybe today’s post is only intended for those of us who live in the Midwest or are of Scandinavian bloodlines. I doubt it, because while I live in Minnesota, I am not necessarily the poster child for “Minnesota Nice". I think we all need a reminder to think about how we communicate and ask for what we need. It may sometimes feel too direct, yet often has a better outcome for everyone.

Comments

[Lynn Tomarchio]

Susan, I've met you (just once very briefly) but I have to say you are "Minnesota Nice"! Like others who have gone before you in this industry, you have made such a positive impact in the field of relocation.

[Susan Schneider]

Sometimes it is the most basic things that we forget, yet we are faced with them almost every day! Thanks for your feedback and Happy New Year

[Cliff Cannon]

Susan, I just experienced this situation in a recent dialogue and so your message hit home. Yep - make the decision and tell someone what to do. Most of the time, they will probably appreciate the clarity and direction.