One of the most difficult areas of being a parent for me is disciplining my kids. I long for the day when we can take a car ride without one of them almost losing a limb as they fight for the front seat or where touching each other by accident isn’t the end of the world. These are minor infractions, but sometimes their errors have greater consequences. It is in these times that balancing the importance of correcting their behavior and showing love and compassion can get challenging. Luckily, parents value their children through both good and bad times, hence the term “unconditional love.”
So, why is it that as we grow older our perceived value becomes more and more conditional? Perhaps it is that old saying, which I am particularly not fond of, “you are only as good as your last mistake.” This saying creates a fear in people of being judged in the moment. For some reason, we believe our value to others is fickle and inconsistent; that for each mistake we make we have to press the restart button on building our value. It is no wonder that people have a fear of taking a risk without a guaranteed positive outcome, especially if it means having others think poorly of them.
Is it the responsibility of others to continually remind us of our value when we are being corrected? In the case of the parent/child relationship, I believe it is. But, what about other relationships: with your spouse, manager, or even your clients? Is it their responsibility to regularly remind you of your value? My opinion is... yes and no. Yes, I believe it is important for people to let you know that they value you. And no, as I also think it is important for us to find confidence in our own value. We have to believe in our own value, even when we make mistakes. Often when others have accepted our mistake and moved on, we are the ones who continue to rehash the situation.
I believe it is important for all of us to remember that we are definitely more valuable than our last mistake. The difficulty will be to remind ourselves of this the next time we mess up. How would you tackle this challenge?
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