No Buts About It

I don’t mind constructive criticism, as long as it isn’t coming from my husband, children, family, friends, or co-workers… I guess that doesn’t leave many on the list of potential critics! However, in all seriousness, I actually have grown to accept feedback from others without letting it send me into a self-pity tailspin. I’ve learned that it is because of these people who are willing to give me a dose of reality that I run, rather than crawl, in my development journey.

So in the spirit of being open to evaluation, I received some good feedback last week and thought it was worth sharing. Long story short, I was told I need to ease up on my use of the word “but”. As I was talking with a group of people, it was mentioned afterward that several times I would make a positive comment and then inadvertently follow it up with a “but.” My guess is that it went something like “yes, that is a good idea, BUT…” or “we would like to do that, BUT…” While it wasn’t intentional, I essentially negated every positive statement I made by adding the word "but" into my sentence. I then followed it up with what came across as some sort of justification comment.

We all know what it is like to be on the receiving end of the “but”; you receive some positive feedback from someone such as, “You did a really good job today, BUT you could have done this instead.” As the listener, which part of the comment do you remember? Everything after the “but”. The rest of the feedback dissipates into thin air.

While this feedback was pretty easy to digest, it did serve as a great reminder of how the words I choose can change the entire meaning of my intended message. Clearly, in this case, my “but” was getting in my way.

Comments

[Susan Schneider]

Thank you, Ben for adding some more tips to the post. These are great!

[Ben Ferguson]

Susan - It is very important to be conscious of the vocabulary we use on a daily basis. I have my only list of words and phrases that I try and stay away from either because I over use them or they effect the quality of my message. I have my own list that includes but is not limited to: "You guys", "In regards to", "I think", "I feel"...just to name a few.

At first it rubbed me the wrong way when I received this constructive criticism, (but) overtime though I have realized it is helping me improve the strength of my message and increase my communication skills. I am learning to in-brace that criticism and make it a positive in my life.