Susan Schneider’s Blog

No Buts About It

I don’t mind constructive criticism, as long as it isn’t coming from my husband, children, family, friends, or co-workers… I guess that doesn’t leave many on the list of potential critics! However, in all seriousness, I actually have grown to accept feedback from others without letting it send me into a self-pity tailspin. I’ve learned that it is because of these people who are willing to give me a dose of reality that I run, rather than crawl, in my development journey.

So in the spirit of being open to evaluation, I received some good feedback last week and thought it was worth sharing. Long story short, I was told I need to ease up on my use of the word “but”. As I was talking with a group of people, it was mentioned afterward that several times I would make a positive comment and then inadvertently follow it up with a “but.” My guess is that it went something like “yes, that is a good idea, BUT…” or “we would like to do that, BUT…” While it wasn’t intentional, I essentially negated every positive statement I made by adding the word "but" into my sentence. I then followed it up with what came across as some sort of justification comment.

We all know what it is like to be on the receiving end of the “but”; you receive some positive feedback from someone such as, “You did a really good job today, BUT you could have done this instead.” As the listener, which part of the comment do you remember? Everything after the “but”. The rest of the feedback dissipates into thin air.

While this feedback was pretty easy to digest, it did serve as a great reminder of how the words I choose can change the entire meaning of my intended message. Clearly, in this case, my “but” was getting in my way.

Stop Starting and Start Finishing

I become a bit overwhelmed when I start to make a list of the activities that I have started. They often stare at me like a dog sitting patiently for a treat, yet somehow fail to make it to completion. Most of the list consists of easy stuff, like the dozen or so books on my nightstand filled with earmarks half-way through, and the pile of papers next to my computer that I have every intention of reading.

Then there are more impactful activities that require a team effort, most often in an office setting, that have greater repercussions if not finished. Not completing these tasks usually results in a waste of time, money, and resources, not to mention a feeling of being all talk and no action. I am confident we have all been part of this scenario. It starts with great enthusiasm and innovation by all parties and then slowly, as time passes, people forget what was so exciting. They get busy with their tasks at hand and when enough time has passed and the thrill is gone, they question why they even thought it was a good idea in the first place. Unfortunately, the idea ends up in the “all start, no finish” pile.

I believe that we can (and need to) lessen these false starts in our lives. It may be as simple as asking ourselves a few questions at the onset to force us to get to the “why” before we get to the “what”. Why do I want to start another book? Why do we want to embark on this project? In essence, pressing the pause button for a moment before the thrill of the ride and excitement blurs logic. I know that I will be glad when the finished list is longer than the start list.

One-Click

While I love the concept of online shopping, I have been known to become somewhat impatient with the process. This is probably how I end up with twenty pairs of socks shipped to my house when all I really wanted was one pair. Clearly, I need to learn to pay closer attention to the messages that flash on the screen that say something like, “don’t hit the enter key or you are going to get lots of stuff sent to you that you didn’t want." Or better yet, I go through the painful process of filling out all of the screens to purchase a five-dollar item, only to find out that I needed to sign up as a member to complete my order. I then hit the big X in the corner and end up right back where I started. Funny how "convenience" has an element of being really inconvenient.

This is why I am a big fan of Amazon and their One-Click button. Amazon realized that they could get their customers to spend a lot of money if they got rid of all the hassles and steps to purchase a simple item. This little tool got me thinking about how I can apply the One-Click concept to my personal and professional life. I need to try to find a way to One-Click some of the tasks on my to-do list. 

The possibilities to One-Click in life are endless. It may be as simple as throwing mail into the trash that I know I will never read rather than adding it to the pile labeled, “someday when I have nothing better to do." The One-Click may even come in handy when I procrastinate on doing something more challenging, like initiating a difficult conversation. The key will be to recognize when I am making the simple too complicated.

Now, if I could just find a way to One-Click my email inbox and have everything responded to and sent into the right folders, I would be set. Maybe Microsoft will figure that out next.

Do You Have 20/20 Vision?

Have you ever found yourself intimidated by another individual?  Perhaps it is their extensive education, the confidence they exude when they enter a room, their resume of personal accomplishments or maybe it is as simple as their lifestyle.  Sometimes “these people” not only intimidate us but can also make us feel uncomfortable, incompetent or out of our comfort zone.  When faced with people who are different from us, our misperceptions of them become our actual perceptions. This in turn can impact our behavior or feelings toward them. It is in these moments where our 20/20 vision becomes blurred.

I am sure that you, like me, would like to believe that you never feel this way around others.  It is a little unnerving to admit that we may be judgmental and in some ways, it goes against how we really want to be.  For the sake of making you more comfortable, I will give an example that taught me a good life lesson.  Over the years, I ran into someone who was quite intimidating to me; very intellectual, successful and charismatic. My misperceptions of this person took those attributes and turned them into something more like arrogant, disinterested and vocal - pretty harsh descriptions, I know.  Rather than taking the time to change my perceptions, I avoided this person and assumed they would not be interested in meeting me. I figured I had nothing of value to add to this person’s life.  I could not have been more wrong.

Through a series of events and chance meetings, I soon realized that this person had none of the attributes that I had assumed. In fact they were just the opposite, and I am grateful that I opened up my eyes. This person is now someone I consider a good friend.

I always thought the saying “everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time” was a bit simplistic, but I have learned that for the most part, it is entirely true.  I wish it was as simple as eating some carrots to make us have 20/20 vision with others. What it really takes is an open mind.