Susan Schneider’s Blog

Back to School

As I prepare to send my kids off to another year of school, I am filled with memories of my own childhood and the excitement that came with getting the opportunity to get a “fresh start” each September.  I remember standing at the bus stop dressed in my new school clothes, which usually consisted of a turtleneck and corduroy pants (on an 80 degree day, no less) while carrying my Partridge Family lunchbox. I was sure I would get straight A's and have perfect attendance.

Then, of course, reality would set in and I would choose Happy Days re-runs over doing the extra credit to get the “A” grade, and I would struggle once again in art class to even draw a straight line.  The word "Valedictorian" slowly slipped from my vocabulary.

I have no regrets about my effort in school and have no desire to repeat those years again. A person can only handle junior high once in their life, but I still have that underlying emotion every September about getting a fresh start.  However, the beauty about life after school is that we are no longer graded in a Pass or Fail manner.  Unlike school, we have the ability to fail at something and then give it another try.  We can “re-take” the tests in life as many times as we need to; learning from our previous mistakes and then applying that knowledge the next time.

Personally, I find it comforting that we don’t have to be concerned anymore about having our life’s accomplishments or mistakes posted in a transcript for all to see.  There are days where we will herald ourselves as the Valedictorian and there are days when a little detention might just help to set us straight.  The wonderful thing is that every day can be the first day of school; a day of new beginnings.

I Know, I Know, I Know

When I am reminded that I should exercise no less than three days a week, my response is typically, “I know, I know, I know." When I am reminded that I need to drink half my weight in water each day, my response is usually “I know, I know, I know." And as I say these words, my body responds in the same way every time: my head drops a little, my shoulders shrink, and I get a look of guilt in my eyes…because I do know. I just don’t want to be reminded.

In these situations, what is true for me and probably for most of us is that I accept what you are telling me, but I really don’t want to be held accountable. When I say, “I know," I might as well just be saying, “get off my back."

The exercise and the water examples are pretty minor. Bigger things would include changing negative thinking toward an issue, and last week’s post about worrying for no reason. In these cases, the “I know” answer can become a hurdle that prevents our personal growth. I am sure you can think of an issue that you have discussed ad-nauseum with a friend. Perhaps you have been on the receiving end of these conversations, where the same topic comes up over and over again and those famous words “I know” are the result.

In 300 words, I wish I could find the answer to this over-used response, but it would be nearly impossible. Instead, I think it is best to create awareness in ourselves when we go to this place. Maybe our answer should be, “Yes, I understand and I am choosing to do nothing about it.” Or maybe the response to consider is, “Yes, I know, and here is one thing I am going to do to change it, and I would like you to hold me accountable."

If anyone is open to holding me accountable to exercise and water intake, I would greatly appreciate it. My “I know” response is becoming a bit tired.

Worry Never Wins

Spend a little time on the Internet, watch the news, or read the paper and you will likely experience slightly elevated blood pressure, a tension headache, or a restless night of sleep. Between the world economy, political smear campaigns, and the increase in rioting activity, there is plenty in the news to get our "worry" juices flowing. Add to this a few of our own personal challenges and it is easy to see why people are feeling weighed down by the uncertainty of the future.

As I was thinking about our natural tendency to worry, I actually found myself conflicted as to whether or not worrying is justifiable. At some level, worrying can be synonymous with caring.  Assuming we aren’t donning a pair of rose colored glasses, it would be impossible not to care about what is going on in the world. But, therein lies the difference and the answer to my question.  Worrying is not justifiable. 

It is most certainly appropriate to have concern and to care, but spending time worrying about what "might" happen never proves to have positive results. If you think about it, when is the last time you can remember thinking, “Wow, am I glad I worried all night long about my issue, because it really made a big difference in the result"? If you are honest with yourself, the answer is probably never.

It would be an interesting activity if we were willing to track the amount of brain time we dedicate to worrying for two weeks. For some, it may be a few hours. For others, it might be a few days. If we can grasp the concept that is not worth it, what might we replace that time with? Would we become more creative? More generous with our time helping others? More happy in general? I believe the answer is yes.

I read a sign on a wall the other day and it was a great reminder to close this post with: “Sorrow looks down, Worry looks all around, and Faith looks up."

Take the 21-Day R & R Challenge

I bet many of you are thinking that 21 days represents rest and relaxation, perhaps a 3-week cruise or an extended road trip. While that sounds awfully tempting, unless you are retired or recently won the lottery, that is not the R & R Challenge I am referring to. The R & R in this post refers to Regrets and Resentments. Okay, not quite as fun, but it just might be as mentally satisfying.

I owe today’s post to my father, who recently decided to take this challenge himself. The goal is to make it 21 days without regretting things you have done or not done. It also requires that you cannot resent anyone or any situation. If at any time during this period you slip into R & R thinking, the clock starts over. Depending on how well you do, I figure in a year’s time, you have 20 to 30 chances to get this right.

You may be thinking that this isn’t so hard, but that depends on how you define regret and resentment. To me, regret is manifest in different ways; ruminating on the past and wishing I had done things differently, or simply beating myself up for making a mistake. In either case, it all has to do with the past, and no matter how much time I give to thinking about it, there is nothing I can do to change it.

Resentment, on the other hand, can be a little trickier to define. This is especially true if we only want to categorize it into the big things in life, like not forgiving people who have hurt us in the past. But, resentment may be as simple as becoming offended by what someone says, or a feeling of irritation when someone cuts you off on the freeway. This “R” may be the one that gives me the greatest challenge.

They say that 21 days is the optimum time to rid yourself of any habit. The reverse is true as well; you can start a new habit in a 21-day time period. Maybe R & R is not an area of weakness for you. The beauty is that you can define your own 21-day challenge any way you like. But, remember not to eat the elephant all at once, just work on one thing at a time.

The Key to Eating an Elephant

Sometimes the responsibilities or personal problems we face seem far too great for any human to solve. Or, as my son likes to say, “Mom, you just don’t understand, my problem is ginormous!" I guess the word “enormous” just isn’t sufficient enough to describe life’s tribulations, so the young generation has created a new definition of “huge” in order to get others to understand the magnitude of their issues.

While I don’t anticipate adding the word “ginormous” to my vocabulary anytime soon (I say this cautiously as I swore I would never use “dude” in a sentence either), I can appreciate how easy it is to become completely overwhelmed when facing a problem, no matter what age you are. Yes, life experience helps us learn to not sweat the small stuff, but age doesn’t preclude us from having to face real-life challenges.

When I am facing a complex issue, I remind myself of the saying, “You can’t eat the elephant all at once.”  Although I don't know the origin of this phrase, I can easily grasp the concept. There is just no way to conquer a two-ton anything all at once, you can only attempt it one bite at a time.

If we think we have to tackle all the steps at once, we become paralyzed. However, if we can find just one thing that will move us forward, it can truly make a world of difference.  Maybe that one thing is as simple as making the first phone call, talking to a friend or coming up with three possible solutions. Maybe it is just waking up and accepting the fact that the elephant is there and isn’t going anywhere until you start eating it!

Perhaps you don’t plan on adding “ginormous” to your favorite word list and the elephant visual is too much. If you can find some phrase or trigger that can remind you to slow down and just take that first step, I promise you will begin to see results.