Susan Schneider’s Blog

Get Over Yourself

I am convinced that half the time, or even more than half the time, I am the problem. Wow, I can’t believe I put that in writing. Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about my husband seeing this, as he only pretends to faithfully read my blog. My admittance isn’t some ridiculous longing to taking on blame for everything that goes wrong. It is really about owning up to the illogical thoughts that swirl around in my mind, which stop me from making a decision, taking a bold step, letting go of the past, or simply choosing not to eat the entire bag of mini-doughnuts. Sometimes I think if I could just get over myself, life would be a lot easier.

I think of the students who recently graduated or the person who has been displaced from a job or is making a major life change, and I wish that I could send them each a note that says:

For the rest of your life, you have been granted the right to go after all of your personal dreams and make decisions that you know are the best for you. In return, you will not face any negative judgment or criticism. Any mistakes you make along the way will be erased so that you may try again.

On second thought, why limit this message to people who are currently facing challenges? Instead, I am going to consider this a gift to myself and to all of you. Good luck!

Finding Your Off Switch

I think it’s entirely possible that I have a bit of a problem when it comes to biting off more than I can chew. I also have a tendency to overcompensate when I have been traveling and away from my family. Or, as I like to say, I just haven’t found my “off” switch yet.

With the first day of summer only a few hours behind us, I find myself feeling a bit like I have already experienced a few of the "longest days of the year". Let’s just say that in the past week, I have had nearly an entire class of school girls sleeping in my basement, along with half a soccer team. To top it off, my daughter graciously offered up our home for a week to church camp counselors, even though she won’t even be in town to entertain or feed them. Sounds like I am running a youth hostel… funny thing is I love every minute of it! However, I do recognize that I may need to gain some control back at some point.

Isn’t summer supposed to be the time for rejuvenation? Or is that just a childhood memory that we continue to long for as adults? For me, and others I am sure, the transition to summer brings with it a calendar full of commitments, responsibilities, anticipation, and sometimes a hint of guilt for not doing all the other things on my summer to-do list. Unfortunately, it seems that longer days contribute nicely to my propensity to “pack more in” to the few short months.

Eyeing up the summer schedule can sometimes create a bit of a panic attack. It reminds me that this year I promised to make more time for my family, for myself, for friends, for writing, and for travel. This year was going to be different and yet somehow I forgot to get that important stuff scheduled. Perhaps it’s not too late… I just need to find the “off” switch.

Set Your Internal Egg Timer

I aim to apply the 30-minute rule to a variety of activities in my life. I know when I get out of bed in the morning, I should commit at least 30 minutes to my workout. I also know that this is the amount of time I need to transition from “work” mode to “mom” mode. And 30 minutes should be the maximum time I allow myself to fester over things that send my emotions into a tailspin.

Thirty minutes in each of these activities would be ideal, but as we all know, life is not always ideal. My workouts are often set aside for the opportunity to sleep a little longer. My work-to-home transition usually includes phone calls with the kids reminding me that I forgot to fill out some form or another. While I honestly intend to work through issues that leave a pit in my gut in the allotted 30-minute time period, sometimes my mind wins the battle and I end up walking around with a cloud of negative thoughts, self-doubt, and anxiousness for what can feel like days. When my pity party is over, I can’t help but think, “What a waste of time!"

An article I once read on stress management said that most issues that cause angst can and should be compartmentalized into a specific (30-minute) time period. This allows the necessary processing of emotions. It went on to suggest setting an egg timer to hold to the process. Personally, I thought it was a bit ridiculous, but then I decided to try it anyway… what did I have to lose? And, you know what? It works! Well, most of the time. The truth is we are human and our brains still want to take control. Yet just the idea of knowing that the egg-timer theory works keeps me motivated to get it right the next time.

U.B.E. - Ugly But Effective

U.B.E. is the perfect acronym to describe my golf game, which often includes a not-so-strategic bounce off the cart path to land the ball on the green. U.B.E. also defines my first apartment, where the sitting area consisted of four hand-me-down couches and not a single chair. And U.B.E definitely describes my futile attempts at sewing…when I creatively use Scotch® tape to hem a pair of pants rather than fumbling with a needle and thread. All of these situations lacked beauty and refinement, but at the end of the day, they all got the job done.

So why do I choose to publicly air my inadequacies for all to see? The answer is that I have come to embrace the Ugly But Effective methodology. It gives me permission not only to enjoy activities that I may not be particularly good at, but also gives me a bit of a break when my confidence is waning. The truth is, I will never play on the LPGA, live in an Ethan Allen showroom floor home, or pick up sewing as a hobby. However, that doesn’t mean I avoid these things or stop finding creative alternatives.

I often talk to young professionals and even seasoned peers who struggle with trying something new or overcoming obstacles. They want to know the exact steps to take so that their outcome is predictable and perfect. The idea of failing forward and getting a little off course along the way can be debilitating. Therefore, they choose to play it safe, which in many cases deprives them of seizing opportunities that are sitting directly in front of them.

The "beauty" in being willing to be a bit “ugly” is that it often provides a great path for personal development. Our first attempts may be a bit disjointed and awkward. With a little practice, a little forgiveness, and a healthy dose of desire, we may just find ourselves turning from a duckling in to a swan.

The Breakfast Club

I am often reminded of the final scene of this 1980s cult movie. After a Saturday spent in detention with spiteful, cruel and stereotypical judgments, the students come to realize at the end of the day that no one should be subjected to a "label". We aren't just brains, athletes, princesses, basket cases or criminals. We are individuals trying to find our place in the world and to be accepted for who we are.

For whatever reason, as I conclude my visit to Israel and finish up a week of celebrating all this country has to offer, scenes from "The Breakfast Club" keep ruminating through my mind. I am somewhat embarrassed by the simplicity of the comparison. Perhaps that is because until I experienced the challenges within Israel through my own eyes, and not through the media, did I get a true appreciation of what it must be like to be labeled. The labels here are not just a teenage phase, lasting only a few minutes of our lifetime. They are a part of everyday life.

Israel is a country filled with people who wear their labels with both pride and fear. From afar, they may be labeled as Israelis, Jews, Palestinians, Christians, and Muslims. They are segregated by borders, laws, and traditions; yet when you get to know them as individuals, they are anything but labels. At their core, they are the same as most humans; caring, honest, gracious, and loving people who pray every day for a world of peace and reconciliation.

If only removing some labels could solve the problems...I am not so naive to believe so, but I know that I leave this country with a greater appreciation for the people and take with me a daily reminder of how fortunate I really am.